'you died on a tuesday'

and on that note...

I'll be the happiest father ever if my child feels safe asking me questions.  if my child feels safe enough with me to be raw, to confess, to boldly live in the reality of the love I have for him or her... and it's unconditional nature, because I know God, so I know His love and that love can't stop but flow out of me.




I don't care how smart or how fast or strong you are.  just know my love.  maybe you'll read this one day.  maybe, if things are just right, you'll be old enough to read, old enough to care, young enough for blogger to still be around, you'll be reading this right now.  know that I'm thinking about you, it's 2:14 am, it's 2010, we're married, you've been baking in the oven for two months now (two technical months) since the day before my birthday.  and your dad is terrible at hebrew because he can't learn the vocab!  and we aren't making a lot of money and we don't know where we're headed or why we're here right now, and that there are a lot of things that make me uneasy.

and know that your mom's last name is STILL augustson (we're driving down to LA to work on that tomorrow, though), but yours will be Howard from the day you're born.  and that means the world to me, and to my dad.

and know that God is as real as your need for a savior, Jesus died for my sins, your mom's sins, your grandad's sins, and his old man's sins, and you can know the grace of the very Spirit of the One that created the entire world like we all did.  and know that this isn't the first time I've written you.  and also that I'm sorry for the times that I've failed you.


love,
dad